i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
