I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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