Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
