I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am available for nakedness
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
