Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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