Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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