either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
