I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
