one might say we're banned from that church
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
