i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
