So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
