I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
