i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
