Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
