My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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