just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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