I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
