peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
