im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
