I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize