just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
