Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
