somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i need some magic done to my vagina
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
