No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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