you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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