She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
