some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
