did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
