2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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