Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
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I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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