My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
