Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
