my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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