We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
