what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
