I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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