wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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