I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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