I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize