dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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