I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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