don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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