Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
