your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
