Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
that is very illegal...i love you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
