Soap is not a condiment
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
