Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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