At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
