bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
