Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
