my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
