its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
