Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
