I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
