I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Your dad touched me again.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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