Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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