Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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