the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
