As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
