last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
