i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
