he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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