I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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