I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
