He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
