But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
