Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
