i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
