my vag is so smooth its legendary
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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