I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
