so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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