He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
