Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
