I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
